No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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