Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I came so hard my ears popped.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
