Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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