i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
