is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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