I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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