But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
