her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
