Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
