Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I could make wine with my vomit
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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