dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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