Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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