Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
