Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
