It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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