The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
jump out the window naked night went bad
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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