Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
