I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
