What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
