She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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