when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
