If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
