I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I have aggressive nipples.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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