I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
