You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
a search helicopter?!
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
