Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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