Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
