Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Randomize
