My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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