Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
