never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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