3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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