Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
