Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I made him laugh his dick is mine
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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