as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
