ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
