It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
