You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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