Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
MIDGETS
????
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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