Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
The ass gains better be worth it
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