I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
FUCK WHALES
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
