Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
