We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
