why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
