You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
