My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You pole danced in your parka.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
