She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
