I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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