I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
