i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
