I'm jealous of your bromance
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
