His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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